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Sunday, May 17, 2009

Risky Romances on the Job: 6 Tips for Avoiding a Mess

by Robert DiGiacomo

Ask most people whether the office is a suitable place for romance and they'll probably say no -- if only because of the potential for awkwardness if the relationship ends on a sour note.

At the same time, many workers are logging ever longer hours at their desks, making the workplace a prime location -- and perhaps the only spot -- to meet potential mates.

Before Cupid strikes in the file room, here are a few tips to ensure your office love match doesn't disrupt your career.

Check the Rules

Consult your human resources department, to determine your company's code of conduct; one universal expectation, whether official or not, is that bosses should never date their subordinates.

"Most employers don't prohibit the office romance as long as both people do their jobs and aren't engaged in unprofessional conduct," says Henry M. Perlowski, a partner at the Atlanta law firm of Arnall Golden Gregory and co-chair of its employment law team.

"If there's a direct reporting relationship, that's a problem, both from the conflict of interest standpoint and the potential for a sexual harassment claim."

Friends First

Get to know a coworker outside the office as a friend before crossing a romantic line, advises psychologist and author Dr. Debra Mandel.

"People will show up differently in their personal lives," Mandel says. "Get a good idea of who the person is out of their workplace attire."

When to Tell Boss, Coworkers

Wait three to six months before telling your supervisor about the relationship, recommends career and communications coach Peggy Klaus.

"Talk to your boss, say, 'This is what's happening, how would you suggest we continue to handle this?'" Klaus says. "From there I would be discerning and cautious about whom you tell. If you have one or two really good friends in the office, I would let them know."

No More Drama

Don't start a "relationship" by hooking up with a coworker at the company holiday party or picnic.

"If it's alcohol-driven, there's often a lot of regret," says Mandel, author of "Your Boss is Not Your Mother: Eight Steps to Eliminating Office Drama and Creating Positive Relationships at Work." She adds, "Be careful of being a drama queen and being hooked up with people who share in that love of drama. That's not what you want to build a positive relationship on."

Avoid Office 'Canoodling'

If you do get involved with a colleague, don't even think about holding hands in the company cafeteria, playing "footsie" under the conference table, or showing any signs of intimacy in front of your coworkers, says Klaus, author of the forthcoming "The Hard Truth About Soft Skills -- Workplace Lessons Smart People Wish They'd Learned Sooner."

"That really isn't professional behavior," Klaus says. "Ask yourself, how would I feel if they were doing it to me?"

Prepare an Exit Strategy

Whether or not the relationship endures, be ready to change jobs.

"What almost inevitably happens is that one person ends up leaving the company," Perlowski says. "The perception of the relationship is such that one person needs to leave to make it comfortable for the other.

"Or the relationship goes sour, and they can't stand looking at the other person."


**http://hotjobs.yahoo.com/career-articles-risky_romances_on_the_job-295

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